Quarter Final Reviews

Last week saw Townsville Ultimate Frisbee’s hottest night of the year (and we don’t just mean the temperature). The first round of finals contained some handsome handling (looking at you, Ashley-1), fantastic Frisbee fingering finesse (we mean catches, guys, keep your minds out of the gutter), hulk-like hucks, dedicated dives, lovely layouts, and swift sprints. Fabulous job all, and if you don’t believe us, just think back to how the games looked at the beginning of the year (major ouch there). Without further ado, on to the reviews!

RedBalls vs Clockwork Orange

13-7 Unbeatable Balls

When Redballs rolled onto Field 1, they expected an easy win, but Clockwork Orange wasn’t going to make it anywhere near easy. Mattie “BEEF-TRAIN” and his Balls brought the usual force, but Orange fought back valiantly throughout the game. The absence of several players made Orange stumble a bit, but they persevered and gave Redballs a challenging match. The comfortable cakewalk that the Balls expected instead became a battered battlefield. Clockwork Orange maxed out its super speed, calling on the fleet-footed TJ “traffic-cone” Kelly to catch long throws. Over the course of the game, TJ was a thorn in Redball’s sensitive areas (i.e. the endzone!), allowing Orange to grab points before the Balls could even say “traffic-cone.” Those damn Americans. Always causing so much trouble. Orange’s Josh also proved to be a key player and gave the Balls grief with his mis-match against Ball’s Liss. Josh managed to shut down Liss and her disc-domination for a good portion of the game, making the sweat drip down those Balls. However, to Orange’s great dismay, the Balls were once again too big to handle for the opposing team. Redballs’ almighty Damavo brought down their reign of terror, with excellent snatches and catches by Bevo. As Orange began to grow weary, Redballs just kept coming, grabbing points like nobody’s business, and Orange was ultimately unable to keep up. Too bad you couldn’t have sealed the score early like the Balls, Ashley-2! It would have saved you some seriously sore muscles.

Lascivious LadyFingers vs The Birds

13-7 Banana Bitches

This battle between two of the most fit teams in the league was assumed to be a fight until the end. However, with only 5 players at the start of the game, the Birds had to scrounge up 2 more players in about five minutes or they would be forced to forfeit. They managed to find enough players, but the Birds were not the same spirited team we’ve seen in previous weeks; they were mentally defeated from the start. Hugh “Stretch” Osborn’s beautifully in-sync Ladyfingers played an amazingly athletic game, while the Birds were struggling to get a good pull down the field. The Birds definitely could have benefitted from another stellar handler like Ashley-3 on Dark Matter, since key players Cody, Damon, and Stephen were all MIA. Dane “The Savior” West did a great job motivating the disappointed Birds, while Nick “The Beast” Hill brought aggressive offense and killer spirit. When the Birds switched to a 3-guy/4-gal offense to give their males a rest, they started getting back on the scoring track, giving the Birds some hope going into the 7-4 half-time. But right as the Birds started playing with promising skill, the mighty Bananas shut them down with seemingly magical plays. Rob “The Not-so-Minor” Dehollander D-ed so many discs that those watching thought he was King Kong swatting those planes away from the Empire State Building. The Bananas sealed off the game with beautiful playing, but the Birds were just glad to have some fun and give them a run for their money.

Dark Matter vs Spastic Spunk

13-12 Dark Oblivion

What looked like a sure victory for Dark Matter after halftime turned out to be an epic struggle for dominance as Spastic Spunk pulled out a hot and sweaty comeback. Can you say CUM-back? The night started out tough for Dark Matter straightaway, who was forced to play with only 7 players (5 guys, 2 gals). Spunk slammed a couple quick points before Dark Matter jumped back into the game with their signature long catches. Under the sure hand of Ashley-4, Dark Matter stole the first half away as Spunk began to fumble, resulting in a 7-4 halftime score. Spunk and Dark Matter traded points, Spunk still lagging behind but fighting every point ferociously (major game highlights – Spunk’s Jake completely shutting Dark Matter’s James DOWN), leading the score up to 12-8 favoring Dark Matter. At this point, it looked like Dark Matter had the game in the bag. As the other games finished and players from the other matches came over to watch, they looked at the scoreboard and walked away, assuming the end was near. But Spunk was not finished. Feeling the intense pressure, Spunk took advantage of Dark Matter’s exhaustion and, unbelievably to all those watching, racked up the scoreboard. With each side fighting desperately, Spunk pulled hard on the score to make it 12-9, then 12-10, then it was 12-11, and after a long and difficult point, it was 12-12. Dark Matter, energy drained, began to despair as the Spunk came harder and harder, gaining momentum with each point scored. At the Universe Point, Dark Matter believed they were gone. They could barely run, and poor Ashley-5 could barely raise his arms to throw, but after an intense, hotly contested final point (including Spunk’s Quint whacking a huge D!), Dark Matter managed to snatch the elusive Universe Point. Mad props to Spunk for the craziest comeback this Frisbee season and major props to Dark Matter for winning with only 7 players!

Dye Fast Tie Furious vs The Green Lanterns

13-4 The Glowing Lamps

After being shot down and often overlooked by multiple teams early on in the season, the Rebel Lanterns are finally seeing some results as they prove their status within the Frisbee Republic. However, last week’s battle against the Tie-Dye Jedis was not easily won. Despite Master Finny’s untimely absence, the Tie-Dye padawans led by Jedi Knight Zane proved rather worthy opponents for the Rebel Lanterns. Tie-Dye started the game with many long hucks down the field that left the Lanterns frazzled with defense; they sure let the Rebels know that negotiations would be far from peaceful. All padawan players proved their loyalty to the Force, with Knight-like performances, and Princess Jackie Leia remained a BAMF fighting on the side of the Jedis this week. However, General Larson, leader of this Rebel troops, once again led his team to victory. With lots of teamwork and a wide point spread across male and female soldiers, the Rebels tired out the young Jedis and did not look back. Rebel Zach sealed negotiations with a lunging one handed grab from an overzealous half-field hammer throw to score a goal. Although this week’s game was merely peaceful intra-Rebel Alliance fun, the weeks to come will prove difficult for the Rebel soldiers who will find themselves facing true danger fighting the RedBalls Empire. And if the Force continues with them, they may even end up saving the Galaxy from the Sith Emperor Ashley-6.

Next week is semis! Get keen you sexy suds! Yeah we mean you again, Ashley-7!

xoxoxo

<3 your Disc-Hammering Honeys