Ultimate Intensity in the Penultimate Round

Welcome to another week of the best sport at Uni! It’s great to be writing for you. Hope you enjoyed these crazy intense games as much as we did!

The Green Lanterns vs Spastic Spunk

Squirting Semen 13-12

Jizz in my pants. That’s all we can say about this game. What do you get when you take the two most volatile, unpredictable teams and throw them together? If you said green, glow-in-the-dark spunk, that’s just gross. Let’s keep it PG. Back into the fray: the Lanterns lit up the scene straightaway with a decisive 2-0 lead. Coming back from a hard loss and hardly any players from last week, Spunk charged down the field, happy to have most of the squad back, and pulled a couple quickies in response. Duncan “Shrek spunk” put his height to good use; snatching discs and making everyone else wilt in comparison. Handlers Chris “cool spunk” and Amy “snazzy spunk” came hard as well, switching back and forth from man to zone, deeply penetrating the Lantern’s defense. Some sexy points from Becca “speedy spunk” handily jacked up the scoreboard, leaving a halftime saw a score of 7-4 favoring Spunk. The second half, however, was where the game truly began. Under the unshakable General Larson, and the blessing of TMWTDT, the Lanterns came back strong. The Lanterns blinded Spunk with a green, mutant-ninja-style comeback, placing the score at 9-8, just behind Spunk. From that point on, each team traded points, the score going back and forth with a vengeance. With help from Kjetil and “Mr Marriage,” Peter Roach, the General illuminated the way to scoring several points. Unfortunately for the General, Spunk whipped out a little personal favorite, Bobby “the beast” Jackson, who impregnated the game with mad catches and major moves like Jagger. To put it simply, TMWTDT may need to call Bobby in for some random drug testing come next game. The epic finale saw the two teams battling for the Universe point, with Spunk finally coming out on top.

The Birds vs Dye Fast Tie Furious

Polychromic Pwned 10-8

The Birds were yet again seeking their fairy-tale ending but fell just short to the force of Tie-Dye's poison-apple-offense. Tie-Dye started off with a strong defense that really threw the Birds for a loop, with a half-time score of 7-2 favoring the multi-colors. Unfortunately for Tie-Dye, the Birds certainly like coming from the back. Death from Above? More like Death from Behind! With couple of great D's from Felix, Nick, and Steve, the score quickly evened out 8-7. Becca’s excellent handling showed she certainly didn’t need to wait around for some prince. Meanwhile, Franich pulled a Cheshire cat and was all over the place, effectively breaking down Tie-Dye’s defense. Without their fairy godmother Dane West however, the Birds were ultimately unable to bring the magic. Zach ran faster than a big bag wolf can blow down a couple of houses, allowing him to catch several long throws and rack up the scoreboard. Amber neatly followed suit with a clean-sweep of awesome catches. The final few blows resulted from the killer combo of Finny and Zane pushing hard to keep their lead and stop the Bird's momentum. In the end, it was the color splatter that took home Cinderella's slipper.

Dark Matter vs RedBalls

Balls o’ Fury 13-10

This highly anticipated matchup did not disappoint. Dark Matter started out strong, cockblocking the Balls to get a quick 2-0 lead. However, the Balls were big enough to fight back. The Ball’s zone defense and their Assassin Mark threatened to pull Dark Matter into a black hole, challenging the Mighty Ashley “ball-smashing” O’Sullivan and nearly halting Dark Matter. Redballs took the lead at the half, and though their efforts were valiant, Dark Matter could not quite block the Balls of Fury. Dark Matter saw some great plays and some major Frisbee fingering from Damian, and Dee was another force of ferocity for Dark Matter. Not to be outdone, Redball’s dynamic duo Liss and Katie showed the boys who really wears the pants on the team. On the boys’ side, the unstoppable trio Mattie “BEEF-TRAIN” Hamilton, Bevo, and Dave diced, chopped, and all and all sliced up the field. Dark Matter found it could not quite get in between this ménage à trois, and another team fell victim to the power of the Dave-Mattie-Bevo (Damavo?) love. Redballs confidently took the game home to successfully continue their undeniably brilliant undefeated streak.

Clockwork Orange vs Lascivious LadyFingers

Banana split 12-10

It was a veritable Wild West showdown with Hugh blazing onto the field, guns swinging, only to be matched by newcomer TJ "traffic-cone" Kelly. It was Banana versus Orange and we must say, fruit has never looked so menacing. The intensity of this game was sizzling with Clockwork Orange trading points with the Ladyfingers and giving them a proper showdown after weeks of one-sided games. Despite a lack of subs on both the male and female sides, Clockwork Orange capitalized on their biggest guns. Carlos, Ben, and TJ kept the intensity high, while Aggie continued her reign of terror from last week with solid help from Cara. In response, Ladyfingers brought the fire in the form of Jeanette, Kayler, and Janice, who solidified the team despite recent injuries on the female half of the team. The game was a close 6-7 at halftime. However, the lack of subs proved to be the downfall of Orange as Ladyfingers began to pull those long discs. Clockwork Orange did not go down without a fight, necessitating some heavy-handed measures from Ladyfingers, including Timo laying out into the light pole. Ladyfingers managed to buck off Orange in the last few points of the game, and Hugh proudly claimed his badge as sheriff of the Frisbee.

Enjoy your break (if you can really enjoy a break without Frisbee). In two weeks time we’ll see the end of the Red Robin rounds. GET KEEN!!!

xoxoxo

<3 the Disc-Hammering Honeys