Upsets, comebacks (or cumbacks in the case of Spunk), D’s, scores, and all the works were seen in last week’s semis/placing matches. Without further ado:
RedBalls vs. The Green Lanterns
13-7 Green Lanterns
When Mattie “BEEF-TRAIN” Hamilton admitted his fear about not being present at the match between his RedBalls and the Green Lanterns, he wasn’t just shitting himself. Was it the breakdown of Death-Star Damavo or the sheer force of the Rebel Lanterns’ phoenix-like ascendance? Without the RedBall Empire’s great Darth Vader to lead them, RedBalls were left scrambling to cut through the Rebel Lanterns’ zone. RedBalls threw every color of lightsaber defense against the Lanterns; zone, man, assassin Mike, assassin Pete, two man cup, man D on handlers-zone D in the field – but all were to no avail. With General Obi-Wan-Larson and handling from the-Han-Solo-with-a-dragon-tattoo and Chewy Roach, the Green Lanterns cracked the Death Star, taking the half 7-0. Green’s Andrew Skywalker had a fantastic game, including an epic goal against RedBalls’ zone, contributing to one of Green’s many points. In the second half, Green essentially outscored the Sith Lords of the RedBalls. RedBalls did not go down without a fight, however, calling on the Dark side of the Force to beat Green’s zone. Redballs’ Darth Sidious Bevo and Darth Maul Katie used fast transitions to grab a couple points in a row. Unfortunately for RedBalls, the Rebel Lanterns weren’t finished. Green’s Godfrey C-3PO caught a one-handed hammer over RedBalls’ Dave to score an excellent point, while Green’s Margrete Skywalker ran cup the whole game, helping the Rebel Lanterns shut down the RedBalls. In the end, it was the upset of the season with the toppling of the RedBall Empire and the rise of the Rebel Lanterns.
Lascivious LadyFingers vs. Dark Matter
13-12 Dark Matter
Without game reviews from either captain, it’s like this match didn’t even take place. Hugh “Stretch” Osborn’s Lascivious Ladyfingers were not vanquished, and Ashley “the 7-times-mentioned” O’Sullivan’s Dark Matter did not win off of their second Universe Point in the last two weeks. So for all of those watching this “match” last week, know this: IT WAS ALL IN YOUR HEAD. NOTHING HAPPENED. THERE WAS NO GAME. It is all a highly fictionalized ploy/mind-fuck of the Townsville Ultimate. The newly developed brain-ninja-mind-wash was highly successful. We would like to thoroughly thank you all for participating in this exciting new development. Next week, we will be testing it again for the grand finals, so if you think you see a match between Dark Matter and the Green Lanterns, it probably is not actually occurring. So whoever wins is not the actual winner, and you are not actually at a Frisbee match. You are probably smoking something fun. Be sure to thank us for that.
Dye Fast Tie Furious vs. Clockwork Orange
13-11 Dye-Fast Tie-Furious
A fairly relaxed game set out on field 3, with players lacking from both teams in the matchup. When only four Clockwork Orange players showed up to face Dye-Fast Tie-Furious, it looked like it was going to be a shit-show, also known as a forfeit for those non-Frisbee fanatics. Thankfully for Orange, Tie-Dye was in a sharing mood, and lent Orange a couple female players, allowing the game to instead be a well-contested match instead of a veritable trampling. Orange’s TJ “traffic-cone” Kelly continued his reign o’ catching, snatching multiple points and flying across the field like Superman on crack. With help from the handling Hulks of Ben and Carlos, it seemed like TJ’s super speed had no kryptonite. Zane and Finny handled for Tie-Dye, challenging Orange’s defense while cracking down on Orange’s speedy offense, like Batman and Robin whipping the scoundrels of Gotham City. The game came down to the rivalry between the Iron Man-skill (the Iron Fist of catching?) of Finny and the Wolverine-fierce TJ. Despite the Spiderman-like reflexes of Orange, in the end it was Tie-Dye that stole the title of Captain America – er, Captain Frisbee.
Spastic Spunk vs. The Birds
13-10 Spastic Spunk
Spunk vs Birds, AKA “The Hangover.” What began as a game of drunken revelry ended with a concussion and another scandalous cumback from Spastic Spunk. Spunk’s drinking fest began well before the game started, which certainly made the game interesting. Bobby “the Beast” Jackson and Quint “squint Spunk” had a little difficulty catching discs with a bottle of beer in one hand, but the cheerful Birds weren’t too phased. Despite missing players (but no missing teeth), both teams played quite competitively. Starting the game with a couple quickie points gave Spunk a big head (the top one, guys), allowing the Birds to take advantage of their overconfidence, swoop in, and ram points down Spunk’s throat. The Bird’s formidable Cody had Spunk wondering whether their drinks got rufied. The halftime saw a score of 7-4 favoring the Birds, and that’s when the losing hangover started to kick in. With KING Duncan “Shrek Spunk” puppy-dogging it and Spunk’s resident tiger Bobby “the Beast” Jackson living up to his nickname, Spunk began their vicious cumback. Unfortunately for Honey #1, Danielle “Twinkle-Toes”, being on the receiving end of one of Bobby’s tackles left her with a mild concussion, but one more point on the scoreboard for the Birds. She’ll be feeling THAT hangover for a couple of days! Apologies aside, Spunk came harder and faster, gaining points like they take shots. Honey #2, Becca “speedy Spunk”, one of the few (mostly) sober players on Spunk, pantsed the Bird boys and scored points left and right, including getting on top of the winning point. And that folks, is how The Townsville Ultimate Queen does it.
In closing, GET KEEN FOR GRAND FINALS!!!
xoxoxo
